Dribbles

Thursday September 2.

Chad is dead. That’s how I got the news. To the point. Before that I was trying to figure out the name of the mas man who split from big Mike. Mc Kenzie. Was online finishing fast page for ETNT, my final piece for them as a member of staff and searching out a laser printer.

I cried like I haven’t since… cant recall might have been about 9 and had to move. Chad. Came over Tuesday, thrashed out rap winners and losers, called me all versions of weird “you’re like all the weird people I know wrapped up in one” and compared me to the ‘crazy’ lady on BC who gave up everything to live in a one room shack in her friend’s backyard “you leave your job to make buttons? LOL. Eh you crazy girl.” Chad. Who had my car, brought it back late and dared me to go to the mall in boxers. We stopped for him to get lip balm at the pharmacy “don’t act like its normal you nerd” we trade off with half hugs and ‘see ya later’ me enjoying the way he thinks I’m weird, he knowing this and that I do love him “no girl I not getting fat, is sexy. I looking sexy ent?” Laugh laugh dribbly laugh.

Life is fucking bizarre and even though we may know this it likes to remind us that we don’t control shit. I’d like to aim my anger at some abstract creator force but I’d be hypocritical to blame something I don’t believe in. but damn it would’ve felt good. Screaming cries of ‘why…’rings incomplete.

Monday September 6

Today I left The Hideout with intend to rejoin the race. Enjoyed 40 minutes of traffic, made it to the savannah in POS and cat napped in the front seat waiting for sunrise or something inspiring. Sleep read a Eric Jerome Dickey and watched traffic go from 20 cars a minute to gridlock snail crawl. Saw a lone girl in school uniform walking head down dejectedly and reminisced 6 weeks of light traffic.

The plan for today is to go hustle UWI’s young impressionable first year students and maybe do some updates on PULSE website.

Yesterday I didn’t cry. Before dawn today I did. Promised K I’d tell him what all the moaning was about before I left. And in the telling is still the pain. I love you and I miss you dribbles.